Animals are my best friends.

Its after lunch now,and oh God,I feel so heavy and sleepy and tired for no apparent reason. So that explains the entry now, to basically keep my eyes open and my mind at work. I have nothing to do now besides waiting for phone calls and experimenting with Windows Movie Maker.
Not that I hate office job, its just that there is no one to talk to. About other things except work.
In fact i kinda like it,cos I have my own private space and no one can actually disturb me or there is no need for me to make small talks.
Maybe all I need is some loveeee.

And I love the zoo,i love the baboons and all the animals in it.
Ive decided to become friends of the zoo.
Because i think that the zoo is a perfect place for me to unwind.
The animals dont judge you,they are just there with you,regardless of anything.

SIGHHHHH.

Coconut Trees.

When someone dies,only then is he or she remembered by people. Its really uncanny isn't it?
Michael Jackson died this morning,and people suddenly started playing his songs and give the most heartwarming tributes. What happened when he was alive?
Really,Humans are the most horrible horrible living creatures to grace this planet earth.

And me,I am starting a new job this Monday and why is that i am not overjoyed?
Is it not what i really wanted?
HA.
Again,not only humans are horrible,they make things complicated when things are really that simple.
I need some love to feel happy.
And maybe a cigarette to fill this small hunger pangs.

I am on a diet,mind you.:)

Prententious Saturday.

I pretend not to care,and I am funny that way.
Everyday is a struggle for me,and i pretend that its not there. I pretend that everything is stupid and ridiculous and uneccessary. I pretend that love and relationships are redundant,that you wont die without them. I pretend that my life is going to be better without any commitments.
Without anyone to restrict me.
I pretend that it doesnt matter,that no one ever takes me seriously. I pretend that things are going to get better,but are they?
I pretend that being unhappy is somthing weak,something you show just to grab attention.
I dont like taking naps in the afternoon now because I want to be tired and sleepy at night so I can pretend that I am not lonely. I pretend to be asleep while dreaming I am somewhere else.
I pretend to be this person that i am actually not,that i am actually wasn't.

The truth is i care. I really care. Alot.
But you know what,I am just going to keep pretending.
Just because its easier that way.

Bed Bugs And Heartbreaks.

With rashes on my both arms,and exhaustion that comes along with it,I cant say that that i did not enjoy my trip in those 3 asian countries.It was indeed a good trip,something that i will not trade for anything else in the world:memories.The one week that i was in vietnam,cambodia and bangkok,i have learnt something that i would otherwise have not known.How the young ones succumb to begging,how they can be very persuasive in order to get that little amount of money from your wallet.Desperation is the one thing that drives them to do all that.As much as i got tired of them invading my space and peace of mind,i asked again,what choices do they have?
In a country full of corruptions and poverty,what is there to look forward to?

I have met and talked to the locals along the way,and its funny how subtly they try to get sympathy from you.And being a human,with a heart,you obviously tend to fall for their trick.
Especially the tuk-tuk drivers,the stories they tell,the meagre amount of money they make in a day to support their families,how could someone not give them at least an extra dollar?

We got ripped off in Ho Chin Minh,didnt know a 5 minute drive from the market to our destination could cost us an estimated 50 singapore dollars.There was no way out,as the cab doors were locked,and I was strangely scared.The driver cheated us,and we did not do anything.
Because why?Because we were in a foreign country with cultures we were not familiar of.

There are so many things that I want to write,to share my thoughts with,but it hurts to continue.To remember the details,and the painful things that took place.
I lost my ear stud,and everything else along with it.

I am thinking of happy thoughts,thinking of a new place i could go to.
See you soon,Nepal.

Five colours in my hair.

I cant think when im excited. I only can think when i am sad,down and out.
I only get inspired when i cry.

And when all is said and done,im going to have a 2 weeks vacation.
Something that i really need to revitalise my soul.
I will take good pictures,keep everything within my heart.

London,Milan,Ho Chin Minh,Cambodia,Bangkok.
I will see and embrace you.Very very soon.

I love the ulcer on my lower lip.

I am jobless,broke and strangely i did not regret my decision one bit.

Money somehow does not make me happy.
Rather,it makes me greedy.
Now i know what they mean.

Cheers to good life for now!

Trouble is a friend.

My arms are aching now,when was the last time i exercised?
I went for a swim,and weirdly it did not only make me feel good physically,it made my mind much clearer.
It felt much better than blogging,than ranting what nots in your diary.Its just that the first step to exercising is such a pain in the ass.And that is to get off the comfy couch.
Im looking forward to the 16th.To my freedom at last.But the money.How am i gonna inform father?
Mother was nagging,but she did not understand.To think about it,no one actually understands how you feel inside.What you are going through emotionally.Except yourself.
You can tell your close friends,they can listen to you,they can give useful advices.
But they can never feel what you feel.
I know its such a stupid thing for me to do and quit the job,i sometimes think to myself too.Why give up so easily?Why so weak?
I think its not about that.Its just that i don't want to struggle anymore.I don't want to force myself to like something.
I don't want to stay just for the sake of staying.I know in the end Father is the one who is going to carry the burden.I feel bad.I feel useless.
I wish i could just get the money now.Do anything to get it without troubling my family.
I cant turn to anyone now.Where do i go from here?

Oh please.
I cant wait to go on my trip,and never come back.